


best thing i never had

by junkeigo



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Class Differences, Drama & Romance, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Nobody is Dead, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:55:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junkeigo/pseuds/junkeigo
Summary: In fact, Kinjo Sukai is like a small fish, and Ren wonders why Takumi had been fishing in such a small and quite substandard lake.
Relationships: Kawanishi Takumi/Kawashiri Ren, Kawanishi Takumi/Kinjo Sukai
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	best thing i never had

**Author's Note:**

> tons of thank you to dani, the one that pushes me forward.

**TAKUMI.**

The party is in full swing when he manages to find himself in the middle of it, Sukai in tow. 

He had been telling his parents that they’ll come downstairs in a bit, but that time frame being more than an hour or so than what his parents would have liked. Takumi doesn’t really like socializing with a lot of people, much less people who are his parents’ friends and business associates. Sukai doesn’t either, and so they just spent their time being cooped up in Takumi’s room. Takumi tries to find a familiar face, maybe at least Keigo, but there’s none, and so he has resorted to leading Sukai by the hand to one of the tables to sit down and pretend like they’ve been there all along when Takumi’s parents spot them. 

These parties used to be unbearable for Takumi, but that was before he and Sukai got together. Now he has Sukai to focus on instead, his handsome face sticking out of the glittery ocean of people dressed to the nines to try and impress each other for business purposes. Sukai looks far more regal than anyone else in the room, his boyish yet hinted with a dash of mature look paired with his deep voice that Takumi can listen to everyday costing much more than the combined net worth of everyone in the room. 

“What are you thinking? You’re staring off again.” Sukai asks him, jolting him out of his thoughts. 

“I was thinking of how handsome you are, and how lucky I am to have you.” he admits, rather shy that he’s having these thoughts in the middle of a social gathering and that it sounded tacky now that he's thinking about it, but Sukai laughs it off. 

“You’re cute.” he compliments back, reaching out to rub the back of Takumi’s hand with his thumb. 

Takumi gets lost for a while in those deep foxy eyes yet again, until he hears his name being called out by his mom to which he rolls his eyes at Sukai. 

True enough, they do get asked whether where they have been the entire party to where Takumi lies that they’ve been there the entire time. Sukai is silent again, holding Takumi’s hand under the table where he hid it before the pink haired man’s mother passed over. There’s really nothing to hide about them, Takumi wants to tell Sukai over and over and yet it just happens just because, and the moment has already passed before Takumi can say anything about it. 

Takumi’s mother gave them both a look over and told them to at least get up and socialize with peopleㅡwith a very trained and pointed look at Takumi before she walks along. 

Both of them sigh when she’s away, Sukai more so than him. 

“She’s so annoying.” Takumi comments as he sighs out, putting their hands back on the table to which Sukai grunts a bit. 

“Don’t say that about your mom.” he scolds to which he pouts, knowing Sukai will immediately lower his guard down if he does it. It’s a success, as Sukai’s face softens as he pulls him up from his seat. 

“Your mom is right. You have to at least talk to these people, I’m here all day and night so you have me, but these people are only here for a few hours.” 

“...but I don’t want to…” he whines as he frowns. 

“Come on Takkun, it’s not that hard. Maybe after we can sneak out some of the wine and just hide in the garden. Let’s just let your parents see you’re up and around, okay?” Sukai speaks to him as if he’s an adult giving a child instructions, and Takumi doesn’t mind. He likes how mature Sukai is between them, he knows that he has a strong foundation to lean on in him and he feels secure around him. 

He does get up before Sukai pulls him up even more, and tries to make the most of the night before sneaking out a wine or two ton drink and making out with Sukai in the gardens later on that night. 

-

Sukai is not a stranger to him, or his family. 

In fact, he’d known Sukai all his life. 

It’s not a secret that Takumi had hailed from a rich family, born with a golden spoon and doing nothing but is already entitled to a good secure life. He thinks of it as both a blessing and a curse, having to live with several setbacks as he grew up. However this had led him to getting to know Kinjo Sukai, the son of the cook in the family. He was raised by a single mom, and had to support him and his sister at the time she began working for the Kawanishis. Both Sukai and his sister were connected in the house at some point, with Sukai’s older sister working as a maid and him tending to run errands and do gardening for the large plot of land. Sometimes he took care of the animals in the barn in their ranch, did the groceries, sometimes drove around if another driver was needed. Basically he did everything that was needed from him, and said nothing back and only followed.

While Takumi was busy getting homeschooled back then, he remembered having often found himself watching Sukai trim the grass though the window, and that was something that grew from a simple observation to admiration for Sukai. He doesn’t know or remember the specific moment he figured out he likes Sukai in that manner, but it was during his teens where he was going through puberty and the hormones were kicking in so he had found everything about Sukai elevated in his eyes. He used to be a tall lanky boy whose limbs seem to go all over the place, but he was polite and nice, and Takumi liked that so much about him. Takumi liked to think he was tall, but when both of them went through puberty Sukai grew taller and much faster than him, and even that he found very attractive to his eyes. Especially during the times when he sneaked out to play with him, whatever game it may be, or go to the town proper— just to get distracted from the boredom in the estate that had kept him sheltered from the rest of the world for half the time. 

Eventually, Sukai’s sister got pregnant and left them without much word. Takumi doesn’t know the particulars about it, except that she was only 18 at the time and left because she didn’t want to be a burden to the Kinjos. She told them to never look for her in the letter that she left, according to what Sukai had told him. He was around 17 that time and Sukai a year younger, and he was too busy with school work to even notice and remember that much back then. 

But what he does remember is that not a year after that Sukai’s mother had passed away, and it was due to some kitchen accident as far as he knows. His parents had covered everything, telling Sukai he can still work for them. It was around that time Takumi had to move to higher education, and the more he got busier the less he got to see him. He did feel like Sukai had lost spark in him when he got to see him in those limited time frames, but that was probably because he was still mourning. This didn’t hold back Takumi from loving him any less anyway. 

Even as he moved out for a while and came back with a degree, the feelings he has held about Sukai have not wavered as he saw him all grown up, yet still giving him the same butterflies in his stomach when he was younger. 

He remembers sticking and poking around Sukai’s work when he’s around, trying to catch up with him for starters, and sometimes even going as far as trying to help him just to spend time with him (to which Sukai still always ends up doing the work and Takumi cheers him on). Takumi liked how they fell comfortably into each other as if he hadn’t been away for a while. 

Sukai was not an extroverted type of person, and so Takumi found that as a common ground between them. Sukai didn’t need to talk much to impress him, and neither does he have to talk much to keep up with him. They sometimes just sit there, organizing the tools in the shed, talking as the radio music fills the background and even just having time with Sukai like that was already filling for him. 

There are moments, where he wants to talk about how he feels about him but he doesn't know how to convey it. Sukai seems to get the picture, and holds his hand when he feels like Takumi can't go on with his words, kind of like telling him that he understands.

He does remember their first kiss, when Sukai had promised to accompany him to the fair and they were just outside the doors of the main house. Takumi was holding a bear that they had won in one of the games (well Sukai did) and it was the happiest that he had ever been in a while. He thought about nothing else but Sukai, how it was nice to see him enjoy the games and hold his hand in front of people and lean in close to him while they're eating fair food. It was quite nice out too, the pavement being damp from a light shower that happened while they were on the way home. He stopped Sukai just as he was about to come back to the staff quarters, and locked lips with him as he stood on his tiptoes before Sukai can even say something.

He’d like to consider himself as somewhat a shy person but when it came to Sukai, there was always that little confidence boost that he got to do something with him. It was exciting and fresh, yet something so comfortable for Takumi. 

They had begun dating after that, mostly Takumi considered themselves dating already since the beginning but this time he was sure, as Sukai always made sure to always have time for him and they would usually sneak out at night to spend time together when Takumi knew his parents wouldn’t bother him already. It was like they were back to being young without a care in the world. 

When his parents caught them together it wasn’t as bad as Takumi expected it would be. He half expected that his parents would throw a fit and kick him out of the house, yet they were very civil and calm about it. Despite them being in their 20s already, it still seems like a rash affair between two young people. His parents had sat both of them down and asked Sukai of his intentions towards Takumi, to which he replied that Takumi was someone special to him. 

Takumi could never forget those words, because Sukai was holding his shaking hand that time as reassurance when his parents had told them that this  _ fleeting relationship _ will pass and Takumi will be wed off to a better person, to which Takumi feels defensive over, practically raising his voice to be heard that Sukai is the best person for him and his parents have no say over that. 

“It’s fine, your parents are right anyway, we aren’t that fit for each other class wise.” Sukai tells him after, as they sit on the stairs by the back porch facing the garden outside. "There are guys more educated than me, richer, they'll give you a better life andㅡ"

“Don’t say that, and don’t listen to them. My parents just want to control my life again, just like they always do.” he says flippantly as he rests his head on Sukai’s shoulders. That day had been very long for both of them. 

“One day, maybe you’ll wake up and realize you don’t like me anymore, and they’re right. That it’s just some passing thing, and you’ll grow tired of me and realize we are not the same.” Sukai says in a strained voice, and Takumi hits him. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. That’s not true and it will never be true. I’ve liked you for the longest time, and nothing can change that.” he makes Sukai face him eye to eye as he says it, with the younger one having to tilt his head a bit to accommodate him and they share a quick kiss under the moonlight.

Nothing much eventful happened that, as his parents didn’t comment anything in front of them about them dating and maybe if they did, Takumi didn’t care. It doesn’t matter to him. His parents were never one for attendance, mostly being absent when he was growing up because of their family and business relations, and yet suddenly right now they all want up his personal matters when they weren’t there when he needed them the most. It felt hypocritical to him, that they weren't even trying when he was younger.

Sukai however, he was always there. They were never that close from the very beginning, but the idea of him being there, a constant in Takumi’s bleak life (as he considers it) was something he cherished and treasured and it gave him hope by the end of the day. 

He doesn’t know why Sukai doubts, when he himself is confident and proud of their love for each other. There’s no one else more suitable for him than Sukai.

-

“What are you doing?” Takumi asks Sukai one morning, when he had decided to step out of the house while still in his pyjamas. He’s in Sukai’s shed, where they mostly hung out because it was far back the estate for anyone to just randomly walk into. 

It’s a little bit over 7 in the morning, early for Takumi but already late for Sukai. The younger one had definitely woken up at 5 in the morning to go to the local farmers market, and do a bit more errands like he had told Takumi he plans to do the day before. 

“I’m fixing the shelves on the wine cellar today, some of them badly need repair.” Sukai says in between his sawing, and makes Takumi step back a bit in fear of the fine dust getting to him. “Then I have to check the wiring again, because apparently the lights kept on flickering.” 

“Busy day I see…” he remarks, leaning on one of the tables. 

“Yeah. The shelves alone will take me a day, hopefully not two.” Sukai groans, pretending he’s tired already. 

“Well then, I’ll make sure to get out of your way so you can finish faster…” he says, giving Sukai a quick peck on the cheek. “Be careful!” 

“Of course!” he hears Sukai yell out just when he’s out the door and he smiles to himself as he walks back to the main house. 

He’s thinking of having a light brunch prepared for him and Sukai to eat on his way back when he spots a familiar mop of hair from afar, just seconds after stepping out of a very familiar car he knows to boot. 

“What are you doing here? This early in the morning too?” Takumi asks him, a bit brazen as he approaches him with his hands in his pockets. 

Kawashiri Ren stands taller than him, silver hair almost blinding as the sun hits it directly. He’s handsome, that’s something undeniable Takumi had to deal with on a regular basis ever since he got to know him, and it’s not like he can easily forget it because it slaps him in the face like a fish swimming blindly in the water every time he sees him.

“Why are you so grumpy in the morning?” Ren asks him instead, leaning on one of his feet.

“I’m asking the questions here...” he trails off as the older male raises his eyebrows at him, daring him to answer back. Takumi knows it's like fighting to a wall, yet a much smarter and quicker one so he just drops it and proceeds to walk up the steps inside leaving Ren behind. 

“I’m here because your parents wanted to talk to me by the way. In case you’re still curious beyond that morning grumpiness you have.” Ren tells him as a matter of fact, while he catches up beside him. He wasn’t that much of a fast walker anyway. 

“Oh, how important it must be to have your ass be dragged here this early in the morning that they couldn’t share it over the phone?” he mocks him as the doors open for them, the butler bowing as they pass by. 

“I have an idea, but you’re not going to like it.” 

“I never liked any of your ideas, so that’s not a surprise to me.” he retorts, to which Ren replies. 

“You never change, you’re still the same Takkun from the last time I saw you.” Ren laughs, his  _ annoying  _ laugh that always gets to Takumi’s gears.

“First of all, we haven’t seen each other for like what—two months? Secondly, don’t call me that nickname.” he scolds, and he can see Ren visibly roll his eyes at him. 

Kawashiri Ren is a part of an equally wealthy family, with his family running a conglomerate. Takumi had met him when they went to the same university for a degree, both running honors for Business Management except Ren got the highest honors and him second. 

He has mutual friends with him and they’re classmates for the most part, but he felt that Ren’s aura had always clashed with him. He was the opposite of what Takumi is, and yet somehow similar to most points that it irks Takumi. 

“Good morning dear, I’m glad you decided to come after all!” Takumi can hear his mom’s voice from across the room greeting Ren, and the taller male flashes a smile as he gives his mom a hug like they’re old friends.

Takumi is already annoyed. 

“Takumi dear, please get dressed for breakfast. Ren will join us for today.” his mom asks him after spotting him still in his pyjamas. 

“See you at breakfast!” Ren greets him a bit too bright than usual, and Takumi fights the urge to roll his eyes. 

* * *

**REN.**

Kawanishi Takumi, no matter how much he had despised Ren’s guts, had always been somewhat a pleasing charm in Ren’s life. 

There’s an undeniable tension between them, past the banter and the empty hate words that feed Ren forward, pushes him as if he’s in a competition except there are no opponents—and he’s a very zealous person that always strives for the win. 

So as he sits there in breakfast with the Kawanishi family he makes sure to shoot his shot, smiling and winking at Takumi at any chance he gets to push him over, if not crack a bit of the wall that he has put up for him. Ren could easily scale that wall and come over Takumi in a snap of a finger, but that takes out a bit of the fun, which is driving Takumi up the walls. 

He doesn’t see the boyfriend as part of the hurdle he has to overcome, to be frank about it. 

He’s not dumb, he has his own eyes and ears and maybe a bit more when he’s not in the same area. It’s quite a local secret too, something like only those in their circle would know and pass on and people would think whether it's true or not because it seems quite out of character. 

The only son of the Kawanishi family dating a servant of the family. 

Not the first of its kind, but it’s truly something, much to Ren’s amazement. 

He had done his fair share of research on the person, and he’s not much competition when Ren seized him up. In fact, Kinjo Sukai is like a small fish, and Ren wonders why Takumi had been fishing in such a small and quite  _ substandard _ lake. 

It didn’t even take him much convincing when Takumi’s parents had reached out to him regarding this matter. He was told that Takumi is still rebelling, not letting go of the poor dude who he clings to like a brand new plastic wrap. He had promised them that he would take it from here, ensuring that by the end of it all the rumors would have been dispersed and the business merge will push through. 

It’s not a life or death business deal that Ren would have had on his knees begging for, as their various lines of business have been equally doing well in all aspects and in fact, the Kawanishis need the deal more than ever. But on top of all of that Takumi had always been a fascination and an interest for him, a challenge he’s interested in taking on—and Takumi is very pretty and smart to anyone that he comes across with if he may say so himself. So it’s not like he’s losing anything. 

So when his parents had told him of the plan over breakfast, Takumi throws a fit—one of many that Ren had seen during their time together honestly—as he continues eating the meal he was served. Takumi had come up with a multitude of reasons already as to why he does not want the business deal to push through, aside from being connected to Ren, and he smiles a bit to Takumi’s parents as he knows both of them would have been mortified with Takumi’s exaggerations. 

“Takumi.” his father had scolded him with a firm tone and the younger had managed to settle down in his chair. “This has been settled. Ren and the board have agreed on this matter, and that’s final.” 

“Do I even get a say in this?” he asks, incredulous. 

“Takumi.” his mom chides in, and Takumi wants to say more but both of his parents are looking at him pointedly. Ren stays silent, minding his own business and Takumi stares at him, eyebrows crossed. He shrugs at him, and it’s enough to push Takumi past annoyance that he could bear as he walks out of the dining hall. 

“We are so sorry about that Ren.” Takumi’s mom apologizes to him, reaching out. 

“It’s fine ma’am. I’ve been used to him already since our days in university, this is something I’m already accustomed to.” he assures them, and he can see the nod Takumi’s father gives. So far he’s already got them on his side for sure. 

“Takumi’s a bit immature sometimes, and he sometimes tends to forget to think about other people.” Takumi’s dad interjects. “I know we should be speaking well of our son for this deal to push through but I would also like to be honest to your side as well.” 

Ren nods, understanding the intentions of the older Kawanishi. 

“I totally understand Sir. You need not worry about him, I’ll make sure he’s ready and set for the plans we have.” 

“Please do Ren, we entrust our son to you.” 

_ With pleasure,  _ he thinks as he nods and proceeds to compliment the food served to him. 

-

Ren understands the willingness of the Kawanishis to cooperate with him and give Takumi to him. 

It’s not really pleasing in the ears to have rumors flying around you in the community, and it surely doesn’t help with possible business deals with other investors. Some of them already think of Takumi and the Kawanishis on some different level, typical snobbish rich people act. Now that he thinks about it, he could have easily ignored the plea when he was offered, and yet here he is, walking down the bleachers to watch Takumi play baseball in a private field. 

The uniform he’s wearing at the moment hugs him well, and Ren can see him focus on nothing else but the game. It’s probably going to take him a while before he notices the silver haired man being there. 

There aren’t many people there, there’s just Takumi and someone that assists him and some others he recognizes as players representing the prefecture. He only found out from someone Takumi is here and decided to visit while he had free time. 

He watches him silently from the bleachers, observing every movement and how Takumi moves fast and strong when needed. The game ends, and only when Takumi is going to the bleachers to grab a drink does he find Ren sitting there. He raises a hand, waving a little at the pink haired man to which the younger frowns immediately upon sight. 

He waits for him to get changed, which didn’t take longer than he thought it would. He’s standing by the exit so Takumi doesn’t escape him, and the younger scoffs at him. 

“Who told you I was even here?” were the first words he says to him as he walks away. Ren paces up. 

“Doesn’t matter, and hello to you too.” 

“My day is already ruined.” 

“You’re so hostile to me, one might think we aren’t practically fiances—” 

“Shut up!” Takumi looks at him and shushes him, to which he laughs.

“It’s not like it’s going to be a secret in a few weeks time, who cares if someone else might hear. I can go around and yell it around here and let the press have a field day, but do you want our engagement to be pushed earlier than usual?” he threatens, to which Takumi tenses down. “I’m really,  _ genuinely _ being nice to you, so the least I could get back is a hello without you barking at me.” 

Takumi is silent after that, like he always is when he knows Ren had made a good point again and he can’t talk his way out of it. 

“Why are you here anyway? My parents aren’t here, there isn’t anyone you need to be fake to and impress.” 

“I’m here for you actually, whether you like it or not.” he simply states. “We have some matters we need to discuss and tackle before the deal becomes publicized, and you should at least get used to me being around to the point where you don’t need to cuss me out.” 

“I don’t want it, the entire thing. So you can just leave right now.” 

“This isn’t about just you anymore Takumi. We studied the same things, we grew up in practically the same environment and culture. You have your responsibilities you need to fulfill too with your family, you can’t keep on frolicking around with that boy toy you have.” 

“Don’t talk about him like that.” Takumi stops walking, clearly getting defensive. 

“I know, everyone knows even though nobody talks about it to your face. Me calling him your boy toy is nothing compared to what those people have gossiped about you, and it’s about time you wake up from whatever this fantasy you have come up with that you can continue dating that poor guy. It just won’t work between you two.” 

Takumi is already at the brink of his patience, fists clenched at his sides.

“If that’s all you have to say then I’m leaving.” 

“I’m just telling you the truth, why are you so upset about it?” 

Takumi grinds his teeth and faces him, instantaneously stopping him in his tracks. 

“I guess some people never change, you’re still the same annoying prick.” 

Ren laughs, even  _ that  _ was a weak comeback for Takumi on such a fine day. 

“This annoying prick was someone you kissed before, and enjoyed every single moment of it. Does your boyfriend even know of that?” Ren brings up their shared past that he knows Takumi is ashamed of, because above and beyond all the banter and hatred he carries for him he still has a weakness for Ren, something the silver haired man knows how to access anytime he wants to. 

Takumi’s silence is already the answer, and Ren smirks as he starts walking again to the exit. 

“Once you’re done with your little tantrum, you can find me in the parking lot.” 

-

The days that pass are very much the same for Ren, blurring in and out between work and a sliver of personal time every now and then. He keeps tabs on Takumi, checking and making sure the younger isn’t doing anything rash like running away. He still visits him whenever he can, and Takumi is still quite the challenge to him as he had been since day 1. Ren feels like he’s getting a workout, chasing after Takumi and making sure he gets him burned as hard. 

He’s still confident, even if Takumi doesn’t show his persistence is cracking him. He knows that he will get a chance, a momentarily point of weakness and he will get him whole. Nothing has ever stopped him from getting what he wants anyway, and Takumi is just one of them. 

“You called late today.” he answers when his phone rang in the middle of his thoughts, knowing the person who rang him up in such a late hour. It’s already almost midnight, but Ren doesn’t mind.

“I was busy today and only saw your message a few minutes ago.” the voice on the other side of the line explains, voice honest. 

“So what do you think?” he asks the other one. 

“I don’t think Sukai knows, and I’m sure Takumi hasn’t told him yet. Takumi is acting as if nothing is happening—or is  _ supposed to happen _ to say the least.” 

“So they’re still together?” 

“Yes.” 

Ren hums, a bit displeased that Takumi is putting the separation off.

“Okay, I got it. How was Takumi recently?”

“Same old. He’s still in his rebellion stage, a bit too late into it I would say.” 

“Takumi is stubborn as always, you have to hand it to him.” 

“I  _ know. _ ” there’s a cackle in the line and some faint voice in the background. “I have to go, is there anything else you need?”

“Nothing else for now. Thanks Shosei.”

“Anytime Ren.” is what Ren last hears before the call is dropped. 

He checks the calendar and counts down the days, maybe he does need to be more aggressive and less lenient now. 

* * *

**TAKUMI**

The more time passes that Ren keeps on pestering Takumi, the more he feels the need to cling more to Sukai. It feels like he will lose his footing if he doesn’t hold on to him tight, as if they’re hanging from a tightrope and there’s a high foot drop below them. 

He doesn’t have the heart to tell Sukai about it, and he doesn’t want to let him go either. He knows if he tells Sukai that he’s being forced into a partnership then the younger would tell him to fulfill his duties first and will push him forward to Ren, and Takumi doesn’t like the idea of that. He knows Sukai is far too nice, maybe even more than he thinks to the point that he puts himself last on the list of priorities he should have. 

He hasn’t come up with anything yet to work around it, and what frustrates him is that the more he wants to think and come up with a way it just pisses him off that he’s in this type of scenario to which he has no control over. 

Ren on his own probably isn’t a bad person to someone else, in fact he’s very much likeable in the community that it’s the thing that pisses off Takumi the most. He made a mistake of having a thing with him for a short while in the past, and ever since then Ren has used it against him more often than not. 

He finds himself hitting his head on the table by the gazebo as he takes his afternoon tea, distracting himself while Sukai is still busy in the farm and won’t be back until much later. 

He drinks his tea in peace and when the staff has come back with more for him, he stops him in his tracks. He recognizes him, among the many staff that they have. It’s Shosei, a guy somewhere around his age too and has been here ever since Takumi was very young. He’s the only child of the nanny he had as he grew up, the one that practically raised him when his parents weren’t even present for most of the time. 

“Shosei, are you busy?” he asks, and Shosei points to himself.

“I… um is there anything else you need?” Shosei asks and he nods. 

“I want to ask something, because I have a friend who is seeking my advice and I’m quite not sure how to help him either.” he starts off, and Shosei walks back to the gazebo with the tray in his hands. 

“You can ask anything, and I’ll try and help to the best of my ability.” the blond haired male simply answers, and Takumi leans back on his chair. 

“Okay so, say if you were in a scenario where you have to break up with your boyfriend but you really don’t want to let him go—what do you think you should do?” he asks, trying hard to generalize the situation. 

“It depends upon the situation, I think, if I have to let go of a significant other—first I need to think about whether holding him back would make him happy.” Shosei looks to the distance, as if in deep thought. “If I held him back and it only caused harm more than happiness for him, then maybe he would have been let go from the very beginning at least.” 

Takumi watches him as he talks, quite dissatisfied with his answer but he doesn’t comment on anything about it. 

“But then what about you? You’d be unhappy if you let him go even if you don’t want to.” he prods more, wanting another response. 

Shosei hums. “If your friend truly loved his boyfriend, he would know what his boyfriend really thinks about their relationship and will put his boyfriend’s happiness first before anything else, because love isn’t selfish.” he answers, and then smiles at Takumi. “—or at least I guess that’s how he or she should be thinking. I’m not quite very familiar with love either so…” 

“It’s fine. Thank you Shosei. That would be all for now.” he says before rushing him off, getting nothing out of it. 

He groans, a bit more frustrated than he was before he started having his afternoon tea. He decides if he should call at least Keigo, to talk about it, when he feels a pair of hands covering his eyes. He didn’t even need to ask to know its Sukai, as he feels the calluses on his hands from a long day’s work. 

“You’re back early,” he says, as Sukai sits on the chair across him.

“I wanted to be back before sundown, so I rushed the things down there.” 

“You just missed me.” he whines at Sukai, and the taller male smiles a bit. 

“Maybe, a little bit.” 

“Come here.” Takumi gestures for him to hug him, and they wrap in each other’s embrace. Takumi finds himself centered and relaxed in the younger’s arms, something he had been seeking the entire day. 

“What do you think about us Sukai?” he asks him, face almost buried in the taller male’s chest as he says it. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Like, just what do you think about us together. Like if you love me and such.” 

“Of course I do.” 

Takumi hums, waiting for Sukai to say anything else but they stay silent like that. 

“You’re not saying anything.” 

“I don’t know what else needs to be said, you have me all for yourself.” Sukai says, tilting his face a bit to face him. “I’m not the best with words between the two of us, that’s you.” 

“I hope we stay like this for a long time.” Takumi says, to which Sukai hums as he pats Takumi in the back. 

-

Takumi finds himself in a predicament, when he is woken up to the news of his name and Ren everywhere. His phone has been buzzing nonstop probably from his friends who want the scoop in, but he stays there lying down on his bed with the covers over him. He doesn’t want to deal with this right now, not now or ever, and he wishes Sukai was there by his side to at least calm him down. 

He orders the first maid that came to tell him to get up and dress to look for Sukai, but no promises were guaranteed. Two more had come after almost immediately, and when the third one had arrived to force him out of bed as per his parents’ orders is when he finally pushed his legs to work for him. 

He took a quick bath and got dressed with help and even then as he was preparing Sukai was nowhere to be found. He had sent him a message, but no replies as well. If Sukai is too busy to check his phones, then he probably would have been out of the estate or at least too busy enough to know what was happening around them. 

Ren is there when he gets downstairs, sitting in his father’s office when he joins them. He looks more perky than Takumi, probably taking a delight in his misery. 

He has never told anyone, not even his closest friends so he’s not sure how people got ahold of the news. But then again they live in a circle where everyone has eyes on anybody, so it shouldn’t have been a surprise to him as well. 

It turns out that everything had been laid out already by them and all he needs to do is cooperate, since the news isn’t even a lie they will proceed in publicizing everything, and he and Ren are at least going to answer some questions if needed. He feels jittery listening to all of this, feeling like everything is spiraling out of control for him. He needs a ground footing, he needs  _ Sukai _ , and yet he couldn’t. He  _ shouldn’t. _

“I expect your full cooperation on this Takumi, and well Ren, you already know the rest.” he hears his dad say, and they seem to be waiting for him to say anything but what is left to say? He had protested last time and it’s not like they listened to him. Ren will never side with him, and so does his mother. No matter how smart he is, he can’t seem to come up with anything smart to at least defend himself, to at least push them to not do this to him. 

He hadn’t done anything wrong, he had been a good child, he studied well and made sure he had treated everyone around him well. All he wanted was to have a control on who he loves, and yet its the only one he’s not allowed to have. 

He stays quiet, refusing to partake in any further conversation about it. He doesn’t want to hear it more, whatever’s in store, and there’s still the question of Sukai. They expect him to have already broken up with him, as he should have early on but that was not the case, and how could he? 

Not even with all the money in the world could he want Sukai out of his life. He was addicted to him, as dramatic as it may seem. 

The events of the day that pass seem like a blurry cling film to him, it’s there and it’s sticking to him to the point of suffocation. He hadn’t heard or seen Sukai for the entire day, and he had to deal with Ren answering for both of them and proving yet again how much of an annoyingly capable person he is and Takumi feels even more of an idiot whether he likes it or not. 

Ren holds his hand at some point, and the silver haired male had noticed it was cold to the touch but he’s not going to talk to him about that, because if Ren simply had any genuine care towards him then he would have steered away from his life and not involve him in things he can’t control like this. 

So when the questions are done and people aren’t looking, he leaves as fast as he came avoiding anyone that comes to view to spend time alone to think. He orders one of the maids to get him a bottle or two, which he drinks in directly without a care in the world in one of the lounge rooms they have. He sits in front of the fireplace, because he’s still stupidly cold, and shakes his head to clear it of anything that happened that day. He wants to be thoughtless, to not think of what would happen in the next few days, to forget that he’s not him. 

He drinks the liquor as fast as the maid he instructed to bring it to her, the strong drink making a beeline on his throat with a burn. 

It’s only a matter of time until he gets dizzy, but then again that was better than overthinking about his life anyway. He can see a bit of the walls spin in his direction and even through that he hears the door open. 

“Sukai?” he calls out, and gets instantly disappointed when he sees that it’s Ren. It feels like he had instantly sobered up with just the shadow of him. 

“Fortunately I am not him. Pull yourself together Takumi.” he scolds him, like he’s talking to a petulant child. 

“Stop telling me what to do. You clearly don’t care and would rather see me rot like this.” he spits back at him before taking a swig again. 

Ren sighs, probably out of tiredness. 

“You’re not a teenager anymore Takumi, and yet you’re acting like a very immature one, out of love?” 

“And so what? What would you know about love anyway?” 

“I know enough, and I’m level headed enough to tell you that you’ve been acting nothing like a selfish child these past few days.” 

“That’s pretty rich, coming from you.” 

“I am not here to play words with you Takumi. Let me in on your pretty little head, what is it that Sukai has that I don’t have? That I can’t give?” Ren runs his fingers through his hair. “What is it that has you acting like a headless chicken acting up and around making a fool out of all of us?” 

“He’s real.” Takumi almost sniffles, but he stops himself. “He’s real and he’s genuine and he’s kind and caring, more so than you are.” 

“But he’s not like us, and he never will. He’s just your phase.” the silver haired male approaches him. “Admit it Takumi, you’re just tricking yourself into believing you like him, but will his love feed you? Will his love pay for your bills if you run away with him? You know nothing about being poor.” Ren argues, and Takumi has had it. 

“So you think you’re better than him because you have more money? Then you’re less than what he is.” 

“I think I’m better because I  _ know  _ I’m better. I’m smarter and wiser, more educated than he will ever be. I can kiss you better. I can fuck you better. I can take you here and screw your brains out until you forget your name. By the end of the day, it’s only us in the same league that will fit each other like gloves because he will never understand the things only exclusive to us.” Ren asserts, eyes glinting against the light from the fireplace the more he speaks. 

“You’re too afraid to admit it, but I know you don’t hate me as much as you want to.” 

Takumi wants to speak up and say something, but with Ren this close to him he finds himself breathing heavily, far too out of his head to notice Ren’s hands sneaking around his waist as he pulls himself towards him, lips pressing against his. He pushes his hands against him but finds itself lowering down as Ren kisses him passionately, tongue prodding just against the entrance to give it to him deeper. 

Ren holds him closer, tilting his head for better access and he wants to say no and push him away but every time Ren brushes his lips against his it feels so soft and hot to touch, as every place that Ren marks is burning. 

He wants to say that Ren’s words are all lies because he doesn’t want to admit that yet again, the older male managed to get it right—as if he didn’t have an ego big enough to fill the room—but his words are being eaten out of his mouth by Ren’s tongue that managed to make it in when his guards are down. 

The older male moves his hands as they go, going lower and as he grips Takumi’s ass came a faint moan from the shorter male, one that he couldn’t control. 

Between them, Ren knows he had already won him over. 

* * *

**SUKAI **

Takumi wasn’t something that Sukai aspired to have in his life. 

Sukai himself led a simple life, earning and working for the Kawanishis the soonest that he could to help out his mother to raise them. He still had both of them then—his sister and mother—and it was all he could ask for. 

Of course he wanted to be at least well off or capable enough to be able to live comfortably, probably have a house of his own and tend to a few animals he owns. He wasn’t particularly aiming for the stars and the sky, because he knew where he should stand. 

And yet, Takumi came to him one day. 

Someone so unattainable and unreachable had gone down from his ranks above, seemingly wanting to have Sukai for himself for a reason Sukai doesn’t know himself. 

He’s not academically smart, in fact he had no higher education he attended. Everything he knew and could do was picked up based on experience. He doesn’t find himself to be particularly good looking too, nor was he built like someone rich or had skin as smooth as the rich. He was average at best, if he rated himself, so he doesn’t know what Takumi found in him that made him want to pursue him so badly. 

Sukai gave him a chance, and that led them to where they are in the present day. 

He knows that his time with him is borrowed, he is constantly aware of that, and he had always told Takumi that there will come a time that Takumi will have to let him go because they are just not quite in each others ranks—but reality still doesn’t slap any less when he sees Takumi in Ren’s arms in the lounge room, with their clothes strewn around them and the bottles of liquor visible for anyone to see. 

Clearly something had happened between them, and no amount of orchestration can fake the way the two are lying next to each other. 

He feels as if he had stepped into a place where he isn’t invited, and is seeing something that he shouldn’t have. 

It’s dumb really, to have Takumi say over and over that he loves Sukai and wishes they’ll stay together forever, but then also be the same person to sleep with someone else when he gets the chance. It feels unfair, how easy it was for Takumi to give himself like that, and disappointing how he wasn’t any different like any other person out there that is way too comfortable with life knowing they can get away with it. 

He doesn’t make a fuss, and leaves the room quietly without saying a word. Seeing it with his own eyes is more than enough, and for all Sukai knows it’s not the first time he had probably done this either. 

He doesn’t have a lot of privileges in life as much as Takumi does but what he has is pride, and he wants to at least keep that until the end of it. 

-

Takumi had come up to him in the afternoon, finding him working in the gardens. 

He’s well kept now and seems to be in better spirits, but Sukai knows better. 

He pretends he didn’t notice him arriving, because he honestly doesn’t want to deal with him at the time but if the moment strikes then maybe that day is as good as any. 

The younger male sneaks up to him from behind, giving him a back hug. He tries hard not to budge, and Takumi is quick to catch on. 

“Hey.” the pink haired turns to face him, frowning a little bit. “I’m here.” 

“I know, Takumi.” he replies simply, moving his garden hose back and forth to maintain the grass. 

“I was expecting a more warm welcome, we hadn’t seen each other yesterday…” Takumi trails as he lets go of Sukai’s waist to move positions facing him. 

“I was busy.” he replies stoically.

“I texted you the whole day and tried to call you multiple times but you weren’t responding, and I had the maids look after you too…” 

“I was working, Takumi—okay? I was up since 4am working here then I had to run errands around town and attend to an emergency on the farm. I have a life outside of you.” he huffs, words came out way more irritated than he intended it to be. 

“Sukai, is there anything wrong?” Takumi asks, and Sukai practically almost laughs at how he’s making it easy for him. 

“Should you really be asking me that question?” Sukai turns the water off as he gives his full attention to Takumi. “Isn’t there anything you should be telling me anyway?” 

He can see the way Takumi’s expression changes in a quick flash, and he knows he has caught him. 

“I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner about the engagement with Ren, I didn’t want to push it more but—” Takumi starts with tears almost threatening to escape but something catches Sukai’s attention. 

“Engagement?” he asks, and Takumi looks almost scared. “Engagement to who?” 

Takumi is silent and Sukai is waiting for him to answer back, to say something— _ anything _ —

“You’re getting married and you didn’t even tell me? Your boyfriend?” 

He honestly doesn’t know which emotion he should prioritize first, but more than anything the disappointment is very much strong in his veins in that moment. 

“When were you planning to tell me Takumi? When it's a day before the wedding? The actual day? Were you planning on not telling me at all and keeping me for yourself like a fool?” his frustrations bubble out, and Takumi has bursted into tears at this point even though he had obviously tried hard to hold it back.

“I’m sorry, I was planning on telling you really  _ I was _ —”

“I don’t believe you.” 

“Sukai…” 

The silence between them is strong, to the point that the only thing Sukai could hear was Takumi’s hiccups. He wonders why Takumi couldn’t say more words, usually he’s not like this and yet right now he’s a sobbing mess in front of him as if he was guilty. 

_ And maybe he is,  _ Sukai thinks as he stands in front of him. 

“Who even was that man you were with today? The one with the silver hair? Is that Ren?” he asks, half knowing the answer already but he wanted to be sure. 

“How much.. How did you see... “ 

“I went to check up on you, they told me you were there drinking. I leave for  _ one day _ Takumi, because I was busy working for  _ your _ family and you just keep on doing whatever, making me look like a fool.” 

“I never wanted that to happen Sukai trust me, if you knew how much I tried to tell my parents I don’t want it, I never wanted it—” 

“How about sleeping with Ren? Did you tell him you didn’t want it either?” Sukai asks, not knowing what to expect. Takumi doesn’t answer, practically refusing it at this point as he sobs harder. Sukai scoffs in frustration, face rigid as he pace in front of Takumi. 

“Really, Takumi? What do you even have to say for yourself?” 

He wants to say that his heart hurts seeing Takumi cry like that but the negative feelings weigh more, and he’s just not sure if he even wants to hear what Takumi has to say for himself at this point. 

“I knew one day would come where we have to separate because it’s simply just not meant to be, but you didn’t have to be such an asshole about it.” he tells Takumi, who clings to his arm with all his might. 

“Sukai, please I love you… give me time to explain please…” 

“I’m already asking you to answer my questions? Why do you need more time for it?” he removes Takumi’s grip on his arm. “For you to come up with some bullshit excuse? I know I didn’t have proper education Takumi but do you honestly think I am  _ that _ stupid?” He feels insulted at this point, and Takumi looks even more pathetic as time passes. 

“I don’t even know how long this was going on? Honestly, I don’t care if it's the first time or the fiftieth time, the fact that you did it was just so wrong to me.” he goes on, thinking of anything else he wants to say to Takumi. 

Sukai shakes out a heavy breath as they stand there on a humid afternoon day. 

“Congratulations on your engagement, I guess. I’m assuming I’m not invited to anything, so whatever.” he sighs out once more. “If you don’t have anything else to say, I have work to do.” 

“I love you.” he hears Takumi say as he walks past him, but he doesn’t stop as he walks past him. 

* * *

**SHOSEI**

Shosei looks towards the garden from where he’s cleaning the shelves, and can see Sukai standing in front of a crying mess that is Takumi. 

It’s quite far from where he is inside the house, but it’s visible enough for him to make up a scenario in his head. They’ve been talking for quite a while, and when Sukai turned to leave Takumi had resorted to crouching on the grass clutching his head as he cried (from what Shosei assumes). 

He heaves out a big sigh, as he wraps up the cleaning for that room and makes his way towards the back to clean the rags. The sun is almost setting, so all he has to do is to help with the cooking and hopefully if nobody has any other orders, to rest. If he still has time he can still go out to town and have coffee in the 24/7 coffee shop he frequents to just to study or have time for himself. It’s the very little things that he can afford as self care as someone who is a stay in help in the Kawanishi residence. 

He finishes up his chores earlier than expected, and by around 9 something he was already eating dinner in the quarters with some of the other maids, talking about their plans for their day off and what not. Sukai arrives a bit later, hair damp as he must have taken a shower first before coming down to eat. He nods at him and greets the aunties politely, before asking for a plate of what they’re having. 

Sukai sits across him on their table, sending him a quick wink with his right eye before digging into the food. Shosei gets roped into a discussion with the aunties about something clothes related, and by the time he’s done eating Sukai has already finished his serving despite coming late and is helping out with washing the dishes. He volunteers to help out too, letting the other aunties rest for the day. 

They spent washing the dishes in silence, and when everyone had already cleared out they had stepped out to grab some fresh air. 

Shosei had made a side trip to the fridge to get something to drink and when he arrives in the shed Sukai surprises him with a back hug.

“I missed you.” Sukai says as he rests his head on Shosei’s chin. 

Shosei puts down the drink to the closest flat surface he could find and turns around to loop his arms around Sukai and tiptoe up to kiss him, something that never gets old for him. 

“I missed you too so much…” he says in between kisses and Sukai had already progressed past kissing his lips and is currently attacking his neck. 

“Let’s drink first before the beer gets warm, come on big guy—” he says as he peels Sukai off him, passing him one of the drinks and then clinking their bottles together. Shosei moves to sit on the beanbag against the wall that Sukai keeps in there and the younger male occupies the space beside him as they unwind after a long day. 

“I saw you two together in the garden earlier.” Shosei says as he takes a sip of his beer. 

“You were right.” Sukai says, leaning his head on Shosei. 

“Of course I’m always right, I told you to trust me. Now all that’s left is for us to leave, which reminds me—” Shosei hits him in the arm. “—that you haven’t packed yet.”

“I will! I will! After this, I’m going back and packing. I had to finish up the stuff in the barn and instruct the new guy on how to look after the animals.” 

“Okay good. We leave first thing in the morning.” 

“Yes sir.” 

“You did so well, I’m honestly even more in love with you.” he praises Sukai to which the black haired male leans in for another kiss. 

They spend their time lazily making out in between their drink, their last in this place, where everything started. 

Shosei’s mother was Takumi’s nanny ever since he was a baby, and his dad in association became the family driver because it was more convenient. Just like that he had become a child that lived and grew up in the Kawanishi residences, and as soon as he had the mind for it he had begun working for them as well. He helped out with whatever he could, just exactly like Sukai. 

He grew up with Sukai, being the only kid who was the closest to him in age in the place. He tried studying outside as much as he could, but with whatever work he was catering for it was just not possible to live a normal life as much as he wanted. He and Sukai both attended the same school for a while and ended up stopping, with the death of Sukai’s mom being a primary reason for it. 

Shosei remembers the nights wherein Sukai was just crying, lost in his own head in the middle of the night with no sister to comfort him or a mother to his side. Shosei remembers coming over to him and spending sleepless nights with him until he made sure Sukai was better, or at least getting the food he needs to eat if not work. He had stopped his schooling then to focus on helping Sukai with work and recovery, much to his parents' dismay. 

His parents think Sukai is an okay person, but not someone he should be looking for as a partner as they think that Sukai is just a roadblock for him. His parents wanted him to finish his studies and find a partner who is well off in life that can provide a better life for him outside of the estate. 

He had told them multiple times that that was not what he wanted, only Sukai was enough for him and they contested him regularly on it. 

On top of that, ever since he was young his parents had not stopped comparing him to Takumi, as if they weren’t very different in social structure and he also had the privileges and access the older boy had as they were growing up. 

It was unfair, how he had to grow up and watch Takumi receive more love from his own blood mother than he ever did, how Takumi got to spend more time with her and hug her anytime he wanted but he himself couldn’t, because his mother is already tired for the day or is busy comparing how Takumi is such a smart boy and how Shosei could do better. How Takumi is so polite and kind and Shosei should be the same. How Takumi is this and that, and somehow the standard applies to Shosei as if he’s not allowed to be himself. 

It made him grow up and have a very twisted sense of self, having to hear that he’s always never going to be enough because he isn’t Takumi, on top of many other things he struggles at in life. 

But as he grew up he had Sukai, the one who saw him for himself and never asked for anything from him and hugged him and told him he was pretty. The one that loved him with pure honesty. Thinking about it makes Shosei’s heart feel full, and lucky that he has Sukai. 

Everything was going well. Takumi was off to university, barely coming home and that meant his parents spoke of Takumi less, aside from the occasional “ _ Look at how Takumi is excelling in university, that could have been you too if you didn’t stop studying!” _ to which he had learned to take from one ear and dump out from the other. He spent nights with Sukai in retaliation, with their love deepening as more time passed by growing up together.

But then those times were short lived, as Takumi came back with a sudden desire for Sukai. 

It had never always sat well with Shosei how Takumi had acted like that, maybe it was a privileged rich kid thing that he can never relate to—but he was adamant on how he wanted Sukai so bad out of nowhere that it even took the younger aback. 

It grinded Shosei so much. How much more does Takumi want to take from him? He already had his own blood parents wrapped around his finger, now he wanted Sukai too? 

It felt very personal, as if Takumi was playing a game that he probably wasn’t aware he was playing, but Shosei has had enough. 

Sukai begins dating Takumi, just as he had planned. Both him and Sukai are not dumb, full knowing this was something that his parents will go against. The initial plan was to make sure Takumi was in too deep, and that’s when he pulled the rug after. 

There was a variable that came in the equation that ended up more helpful than not, which so happened to be Kawashiri Ren and the partnership between the Kawanishis and Kawashiris. Shosei could care less about the specifics, but by the end of the day it meant that Takumi will have to forcefully break up with Sukai because he had to be wed to someone else. It was perfect, way too in line to the point that Shosei had enlisted himself to be Ren’s eyes and ears when he came over. It was easy to spy on Takumi, the pink haired male barely regarded his presence in the house so it was easier to listen in and report, and to make things even better he fed some lies to Ren full knowing that he has the older man’s 100% trust. 

Now he just had to continue laying the cards, telling Ren of Takumi’s locations and let Ren have his ways with Takumi, make sure Sukai doesn’t know (which was a lie, since he discussed everything with Sukai but what Ren doesn’t know won’t hurt him) so when Takumi ends up  _ cheating _ on him, it will all feel too real and the guilt will eat Takumi up. 

Ren did some wonders all on his own, leaking out the partnership news personally and whatever it is he said that got Takumi to have sex with him, but then again Shosei’s calculations about rich people being the same breed of annoying proved him right to his advantage. 

Now, he had promised Takumi’s parents that he can take Sukai out of the equation in Takumi’s life if he let him do what he needed to do, which was to take Sukai away from Takumi’s sight—something that is so easily attainable for Shosei that it feels like hitting a jackpot in the lotto. The older Kawanishis had agreed, promising him an amount that will help them move out and sustain themselves as long as Shosei makes sure Sukai doesn’t reach out to Takumi, thinking Sukai loved Takumi as much. 

Shosei laughs as he thinks about all of it, how everyone is one and the same and how easy it was for him to play his cards. 

He didn’t even have to worry about Sukai and the possibility of him falling in love with Takumi because Sukai only liked him, and it even took Shosei to convince him to hold on to the plan a bit longer until it’s done. 

Now in a matter of hours they’ll leave, finally having their peace. Shosei had proven to his parents that Takumi isn’t the bright and stellar child that he should have been, in fact he was even better than him—and now Takumi has been backed up to a corner and can never have Sukai ever again no matter how much he sobs with those pretty little diamond tears he has. 

He should feel sorry towards him or something, but then Shosei thinks of how Takumi never had to live or experience what he had, and even up to the end he was so insignificant to him to the point that it will take him forever to realize that he had been played. 

“Thank you, and I’m sorry for dragging you into this.” he says to Sukai, a bit buzzed with the beer. 

“You know I would do  _ anything _ for you, Shosei. I love you.” Sukai simply answers, as he nuzzles Shosei’s neck. Shosei hums, and that’s good enough for him. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> end notes:
> 
> ren and takumi gets arranged together but since ren finally gets takumi and wins, the challenge is gone and he begins losing interest in him. 
> 
> shosei and sukai lives in kyoto peacefully, raising a dog named pom and a rabbit named milfy. 
> 
> using the money shosei got from takumi's parents, they manage to locate sukai's sister and meet his niece and nephew.
> 
> that's all!


End file.
